Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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