and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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