yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
