good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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