Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
