Jerry, you need to find god
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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