i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
