We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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