I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
