And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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