exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
