The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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