I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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