if you like me you must not know who I am
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
