look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I have vodka in my lungs
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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