My nipple is on Facebook.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
