Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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