Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You can't just leave with hair like that
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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