Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
