The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
