I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
