So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
