Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
