And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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