You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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