i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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