So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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