He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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