Even the bartender felt bad for me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
