I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
