he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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