I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
