Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
