My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
