brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
