I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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