I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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