yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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