I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
