She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
