corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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