so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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