if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How external is "for external use only"?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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