His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it because I queefed?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
