Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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