You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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