Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
