Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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