therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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