Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
