Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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