Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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