barbara walters just said penis...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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