I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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