textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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