Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
